Profound randomnity

I've started taking pen and paper along with me when I walk my dog so I can put notes on cars that are parked by idiots. The notes can range from a simple "Nice parking, dickhead." to "Do you have to be an asshole before they let you drive a BMW, or does driving a BMW turn you into an asshole?" to "Do they let you park on the sidewalk where YOU live?" to "Not only are you parked at a red curb -- you're parked 6 feet out from a red curb, moron." I'm certain that when the owners of these cars read my notes, they'll be chastised and vow never to park so foolishly again. Anyway, it makes me feel better.

An observation: Often I'll see a woman or a girl walking down the street who suddenly believes someone might be looking at her ass, so she'll put her hand back there or start pulling at her shirt or sweater in back to try to cover it up. Well, I probably wasn't looking at your ass before you started doing this, but I'm for damn sure going to stare at it now to see what the hell you're trying to cover up. Hint: If you don't want people to look at your ass, don't start doing contortions to try to cover it up.

I like Green Day. I don't know much about 'em, and I don't have any of their CDs, but I just like 'em. They might be real jerks, and they may have sold out, and their new stuff might not be as good as their old stuff. I don't know about any of this, and I don't really care. All I know is whenever I see 'em or hear 'em, I like 'em.

To both of my male readers, here's some advice: Practice strict birth control. Always use a condom. I know a guy who was a confirmed bachelor whose life is now a living hell because he didn't sleeve up after a night of too much to drink with the wrong woman at the House Of Blues. His is now a Life Of Blues, and the mother of his only child is a truly evil, stupid woman who heard that biological clock ticking and said, "Oh yeah. I'm on the pill," and has freely admitted that her main goal in life is to make my friend suffer. If you're going to be too drunk to remember later, put the condom on before you start drinking. Seriously.

Also to both my male readers: If you're going to get a dog, for crying out loud don't get a little fluffy dog. No man looks good walking a Pekingnese or a poodle or a Chihuahua or even a Jack Russell terrier. Even a dachshund is borderline. I don't care if the little dog is easier to take care of or easy to train. You look stupid walking it.