Shorter
I used to be 6 feet 4-1/2 inches tall. My pants were a 36-inch inseam. Recently I went shopping for a pair of pants, and the inseam that fit me best was 34 inches. I went home and measured myself, and I am now 6 feet 3 inches tall. What the hell happened? I liked being six-four. Six-three isn't as cool as six-four. I'm bummed.
The best five dollars I've spent recently was on a fake surveillance camera I mounted in my front window. It sure looks real, and it has a motion sensor that makes the thing go back and forth whenever someone walks past our door. It's funny to see how different people react when they see our "camera." Some people wave. Some people smile. A few people are absolutely outraged. One neighbor actually had a lawyer send us a letter accusing us of aiming a surveillance camera at her door, which is really funny because her apartment is directly above ours, and the camera points straight out, not straight up. We can't even see her door, so I'm puzzled as to how she thinks our camera is aimed at her. We've told most of the neighbors that it's fake, and they all get a kick out of it. We haven't told the upstairs neighbor.
Speaking of neighbors, our neighbors to the left are a Russian man married to a Filipina woman. The Russian man, Alex, is a very cool guy. Alex is really smart (he does the NY Times crossword every day), and he knows more about American jazz and blues than I do. He's sort of larger than life. He laughs big, he smokes big, he eats big, he drinks big, and he works hard. He used to be a house painter, and now he drives for a limo service. His wife is an amazing cook. She's one of those people who can just throw together a bunch of stuff from scratch, and it's the most delicious, unusual food you've ever tasted. Once in a while she brings something over for us, and it's always amazing. They have a 14-year-old daughter who is the sweetest, nicest, prettiest girl in town. They should be very proud.
One of the major athletic shoe stores here in town, maybe The Athlete's Foot or the Foot Locker, distributes free athletic shoes to the homeless. Transients come from miles around to get these shoes. It's not unusual to see people who are obviously out of their minds, shuffling down the street yelling to themselves, sleeping in the park, draped in stinking, ratty, filthy clothes, wearing brand-new Air Jordans or Adidas Promodels on their bare, dirt-encrusted feet. Maybe they all have sweet jump shots. I don't know.
The best five dollars I've spent recently was on a fake surveillance camera I mounted in my front window. It sure looks real, and it has a motion sensor that makes the thing go back and forth whenever someone walks past our door. It's funny to see how different people react when they see our "camera." Some people wave. Some people smile. A few people are absolutely outraged. One neighbor actually had a lawyer send us a letter accusing us of aiming a surveillance camera at her door, which is really funny because her apartment is directly above ours, and the camera points straight out, not straight up. We can't even see her door, so I'm puzzled as to how she thinks our camera is aimed at her. We've told most of the neighbors that it's fake, and they all get a kick out of it. We haven't told the upstairs neighbor.
Speaking of neighbors, our neighbors to the left are a Russian man married to a Filipina woman. The Russian man, Alex, is a very cool guy. Alex is really smart (he does the NY Times crossword every day), and he knows more about American jazz and blues than I do. He's sort of larger than life. He laughs big, he smokes big, he eats big, he drinks big, and he works hard. He used to be a house painter, and now he drives for a limo service. His wife is an amazing cook. She's one of those people who can just throw together a bunch of stuff from scratch, and it's the most delicious, unusual food you've ever tasted. Once in a while she brings something over for us, and it's always amazing. They have a 14-year-old daughter who is the sweetest, nicest, prettiest girl in town. They should be very proud.
One of the major athletic shoe stores here in town, maybe The Athlete's Foot or the Foot Locker, distributes free athletic shoes to the homeless. Transients come from miles around to get these shoes. It's not unusual to see people who are obviously out of their minds, shuffling down the street yelling to themselves, sleeping in the park, draped in stinking, ratty, filthy clothes, wearing brand-new Air Jordans or Adidas Promodels on their bare, dirt-encrusted feet. Maybe they all have sweet jump shots. I don't know.
posted by Shnookylangston at 7:19 PM
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