Profound randomnity

I've started taking pen and paper along with me when I walk my dog so I can put notes on cars that are parked by idiots. The notes can range from a simple "Nice parking, dickhead." to "Do you have to be an asshole before they let you drive a BMW, or does driving a BMW turn you into an asshole?" to "Do they let you park on the sidewalk where YOU live?" to "Not only are you parked at a red curb -- you're parked 6 feet out from a red curb, moron." I'm certain that when the owners of these cars read my notes, they'll be chastised and vow never to park so foolishly again. Anyway, it makes me feel better.

An observation: Often I'll see a woman or a girl walking down the street who suddenly believes someone might be looking at her ass, so she'll put her hand back there or start pulling at her shirt or sweater in back to try to cover it up. Well, I probably wasn't looking at your ass before you started doing this, but I'm for damn sure going to stare at it now to see what the hell you're trying to cover up. Hint: If you don't want people to look at your ass, don't start doing contortions to try to cover it up.

I like Green Day. I don't know much about 'em, and I don't have any of their CDs, but I just like 'em. They might be real jerks, and they may have sold out, and their new stuff might not be as good as their old stuff. I don't know about any of this, and I don't really care. All I know is whenever I see 'em or hear 'em, I like 'em.

To both of my male readers, here's some advice: Practice strict birth control. Always use a condom. I know a guy who was a confirmed bachelor whose life is now a living hell because he didn't sleeve up after a night of too much to drink with the wrong woman at the House Of Blues. His is now a Life Of Blues, and the mother of his only child is a truly evil, stupid woman who heard that biological clock ticking and said, "Oh yeah. I'm on the pill," and has freely admitted that her main goal in life is to make my friend suffer. If you're going to be too drunk to remember later, put the condom on before you start drinking. Seriously.

Also to both my male readers: If you're going to get a dog, for crying out loud don't get a little fluffy dog. No man looks good walking a Pekingnese or a poodle or a Chihuahua or even a Jack Russell terrier. Even a dachshund is borderline. I don't care if the little dog is easier to take care of or easy to train. You look stupid walking it.

Sneakers I've Loved

Ever since I got my first pair of Converse All Stars when I was in seventh grade in 19?? (okay, I'm insecure about my age, dammit), I've been hooked on sneakers. I consider myself ahead of my time in this regard. When I got that first pair of Cons, NBA and college players still wore 'em, Nike and Reebok didn't exist, and Adidas made only track and soccer shoes. Here is my reminiscence about some cool sneakers I've worn along the way.

My high school basketball team wore Pro-Keds instead of Converse, so I had a couple pair of high white Pro-Keds canvas basketball shoes. In fact, I had a pair of the precursor to the Pro-Keds shoes called Royals. Royals were way cool. After a couple pair of Pro-Keds and Converses, I got my first pair of Adidas Superstars when I was a senior in high school. Bliss! Having sprained each of my ankles a few times, I moved on to Adidas Promodels (high tops). Probably my favorite all-time basketball shoe. Adidas has re-issued the original Promodels, and you can get 'em on clearance at Eastbay for about $30.00 buck dollars. That's about what they cost in 1972. I then moved on to suede leather high top Pro Keds for a while (in white). Had a couple of pair of those. Looked great, not much ankle protection.

Through the years I had a couple of pair of Reeboks when they first came out, some Converse leather All Stars when Julius Erving wore 'em, and Ponys because they were pretty cool and not too expensive. I haven't had much success with Nike basketball shoes. I had a pair of Nikes before there was Nike Air or Air Jordans, and they never fit me right. I had a pair of the first Air Jordans, and they were awful. Gave be blisters. I had a pair of Asics leather high tops in Laker purple and gold and more leather Cons and a pair of the Olympic Adidas high tops with the red, white and blue stripes like Bill Walton used to wear. Had some Patrick Ewing model Adidas Conductors in New York Knick white, orange and blue. Those things were the most complicated sneakers to lace that I ever saw. Actually had two pair of those suckers. In around 1987 I found a pair of original Adidas Superstars before they re-issued them and Adidas was not doing well and only Run-DMC was wearing them - on clearance for $20.00 buck dollars. Bliss again! All along the way I usually kept a pair of high black Cons in the closet, too. I had a pair of cheap Puma running shoes called Puma Crack, believe it or not (this was in around 1972, before the great crack cocaine epidemic). I also had a pair of suede Puma Baskets around that time.

I have since retired from playing basketball, but I still wear sneakers all the time. I have a pair of goldish-light-brown-with-green-stripes Adidas Campus (low-cut suede) that are my faves right now, and a back-up pair of Adidas Campus in black with white stripes that I'll break out when the gold ones finally wear out. I have a pair of black suede Puma Baskets that aren't the most comfortable shoes but very cool nonetheless. I have a pair of high-top Nikes called Vinnie Gs that were on clearance that I've worn to shoot hoops about twice in the last six or seven years. I have two pair of Adidas running shoes - a pair of Adidas Galaxys that are about worn out and another pair the name of which I don't know that are pretty damn ugly but are great shoes and were cheap.

Gotta mention Adilettes. I wear Adilettes all year long, and my feet have permanent Adilette suntan lines on 'em. I've loved Adilettes since only German swimmers and Swedish soccer players wore 'em. When I die, I want to be cremated and have my ashes made into a pair of Adilettes.

I know I've probably forgotten some sneakers I've worn and loved, but I think I covered most of 'em. Thanks for your indulgence.